two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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