Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
