god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
