How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
