so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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