dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
