if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Michael Bay diarrhea
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I love you. Go after that dick
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
