Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
