I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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