i just wanna soil my oats bro
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
