So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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