you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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