Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
