Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
