im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The air taste purple.
Randomize
