I'm lost and stupid without you.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
