real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
