Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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