I like my sex mixed with concussions.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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