Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She's the barista slut.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
