The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
