I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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