Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
