the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
