i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
