Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
