i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
