Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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