I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
