My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
