Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
