I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That's intense
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
