theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
