She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize