So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
