I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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