I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
