I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
