Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
