I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sober January is a disaster.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
