I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
