can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
