I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
