Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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