booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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