Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize