Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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