please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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