my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
