why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
