He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
