We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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