That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
