I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
