I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
