His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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