She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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