You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
