not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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