I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
