We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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