I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
