I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
