Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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