I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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