between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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