the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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