I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
