The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
