I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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