take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Im part way to drunk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
