A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
