They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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