Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize