So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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