my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
