is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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