Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
