i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
