I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
