and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
